Everything looked perfect on the outside. I was a junior going steady with a senior. Ricky wrote love poems and sang songs for me. He bought me little gifts. Life should have been wonderful.

But after two months of going steady, a dark cloud threatened to blot out our sunshine.

Ricky and I had never kissed.

I was so embarrassed I lied in my diary in case anyone ever read it.

In Ricky’s defense, I have to admit I was mostly to blame for our lack of lip action. Several times he got up his courage and leaned real close. I’d panic, turn my head, and begin jabbering nonstop.

I needed Ricky to grab me by the shoulders, pull me close, and plant a tender kiss on my trembling lips. So I decided to make it easy for him.

We went double-date bowling with a couple of his friends. As we headed toward my home, time for Ricky’s kiss-motivation was running out. His friend drove, so we had the backseat.

Boys: Take pity on a girl if she ever does the following weird actions with you.
Girls: Do not copy my ill-advised plan to instigate a kiss.

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This is how I started.

I was now asleep and unable to fight off anyone who kissed me.

No kiss.

Hmmm, I’d have to make it easier.

Sleeping people have no control over their movements. I inched my head from Ricky’s shoulder until it was halfway down his chest. Because Ricky and I were sitting beside each other, the back of my head was against his chest while I faced the back of the driver’s seat; wrong direction.

“Mary, are you asleep?” whispered Ricky.

If I answered, then obviously I wasn’t sleeping; which begged the question of why I slid halfway down his stomach with my back toward him.

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This is what should have happened.

My contortions were giving me a crick in my neck. What would it take to make Ricky bend his head down and make the connection?

I licked my lips and parted them in an alluring manner. I remembered the Italian meatball sub I ate earlier and switched to nose breathing.

My neck and back ached. Would it look slutty if I lowered myself a teeny more, so the back of my head rested comfortably in his lap?

My thoughts never got any further.

The driver started laughing and said, “Oh my God! Look at Mary. What the heck is she doing?”

I bit my tongue to keep from yelling, “Mind your own beeswax. And why are you spying on me with your rearview mirror instead of paying attention to the road?”

Was it possible that my mental vision of my proffered self didn’t mesh with reality? Time to wake up. I moaned slightly louder than before and sleepily sat up.

“Did someone say something?” I mumbled. “I must have fallen asleep.”

The driver’s girlfriend said, “You sure do sleep funny.”

Ever the quick wit, I responded, “I always sleep all twisted around.”

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I would have been happy with this!

Ricky’s voice started getting softer and softer, and then faded out completely. The peepers and crickets emphasized our silence. He slowly leaned in close. His warm breath made nervous puffs against my face and I almost fainted.

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I’m sorry Ricky.

Confucius say, “To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice.”

Sleep did not come easily.